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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

I’m DONE

Well, since I just linked this to my FB page I should probably put something current on here.

I just finished my last treatment at the UofM Cancer Center!!

Now for my next round of chaos, 2 weddings in the next couple of weeks, a bridal shower and a bachelorette party to plan.  Oh, if it’s not one thing it’s another but it’s time for the fun to begin and get past the past year!!!!!

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I Missed Me

great title huh?

Lately my mind has been filled with what was going on at this time in my life last year.  I hadn’t yet been diagnosed with cancer but the testing had begun and the anxiety was building.  I just read the first post in my cancer blog to see what I was doing on this day, May 25th a year ago and I didn’t see where I put this date in but I could easily figure it out.  Trust me, I have the sequence of events burned in my brain.  To be honest, I couldn’t read that first post because it stirred up too many emotions of what this last year has been and of how terrified I am that it will come back.  Been there, done that, don’t want to do it again.

What’s not helping is the amount of cancer that seems to be in my life these days.  I’m sure I’m just more sensitive to it but it seems like so many people are getting diagnosed or it’s spreading or something.  It hits me harder when I hear this now but it also makes me pray a little more and thank God that I am still here today.

Ok, this seriously isn’t supposed to be cancer post so I’ll quit now.

What I mean by “I missed me” is this.  This weekend Steve took both kids to his parent’s and I got to stay home! Nothing against my in-laws, I love them dearly, but I don’t think I’ve been home alone since bringing Zach home almost 2 years ago.  I was torn what to do, but I know me, I can’t sit when stuff needs done so stuff got done!  Sad, I know, I’m all excited because I sorted clothes and put stuff away on my day  “off” but it really felt great.  Not only did it feel great to see some progress but that I was ABLE to do it.  My energy seems to be back almost completely and I love it!  I don’t have to sit after 10 minutes, my stamina that I have always had, that I need is BACK and I couldn’t be more thrilled.  Now I just need to find the TIME to do the things I love but that’s a whole ‘nother story.  Man, if only I this much energy when I was on my “vacation”, wow, the stuff I could have accomplished . . .

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Finally Found The Top of My Desk

Ahhh yes, it’s been awhile since my last visit.  I’ll be honest, I do my updating at work since we only have dial-up at my house.  And well, honestly, I’ve been swamped here at the office.  However, I do believe that the top of my desk has been found!!!!  But, it may be a while before I have any pictures to post because my camera is broken.  My NEW camera, argh!  I do still have my old one so I guess I’ll have to break that one back out.

Since my last post I have made a life decision and I am going to try to start letting some things go.  I need to realize that I can’t possible do everything so I need to stop trying to.  Work will always be there so I need to start having more fun!  That’s probably why I allowed myself to buy myself an ipod touch this weekend.  Seriously, it was out of my budget but I wanted it and bought it anyway.  Yes! I need to do that more!

For Mother’s Day I received the best gift of all.  For the first time EVER I said “I love you” to Zach and he said it back.  It was clear, perfectly clear and I loved every second of it.

My life is really ho-hum but I’m enjoying ho-hum.  Well, I’m constantly on the run but it’s nothing overly exciting.  I get up, I go to work, I go home, have dinner, get the kids ready for bed and then go to bed myself.  However, I’m ready for a little ho-hum, the last 2 years of my life have had plenty of excitement.

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Very Productive Weekend

I’ve had a project that has driving me insane (literally) ever since I moved back home.  People have been more than generous and given me tons of hand-me-downs for the kids to wear.  I love hand-me-downs, don’t get me wrong, but they take a lot of work to get organized.  I had plastic bags of clothes all over my house!  To top it off: a) I just moved back and b) we are changing seasons and sizes.  Sarah is moving to size 18 months and Zach size 24 months.  Finally, this weekend I decided that something had to be done.  So, Saturday I took both kids to the grocery store (oh, that was fun!) and came home started in.  It took me until midnight because of the many interruptions and a couple of hours the next morning but finally everything is organized, in totes and stored in the basement.   There are 3 huge bags that I need to take to goodwill and one big box that I plan to take to Once Upon A Child.  While I was sorting I found about 6 pair of Zach’s shorts from last year that are in perfect condition that will fit him again this year! I was thrilled to find them.  Sarah has so many clothes she can’t wear them all but Zach is about naked for the summer.

Anyway, that is one huge project I can check off my list of things to do.  I managed to get all of that done and have a clean house before my parent’s came for a visit about noon on Sunday.   They brought back my double stroller, a big thing to go in the yard and a bag off ball that I still had at their house.

My next 2 projects:  The cupboard that has so many plastic bowls/lids in it that I can’t find anything and finding the top of the refrigerator.  Maybe this weekend???

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Back At It

I’m back home, back to work and back to having no time!  I keep trying to get on here but when I finally get the kids down for the night I’m not far behind them.  Getting on at work has been a little bit harder since I went back right at one of our busiest times besides the fact that I have how many months worth of stuff to figure out again???  Anyway, I’m sitting here at the hospital for my every 3 week visit and wanted to catch up with you all.

Life is not bad.  I’m having a very hard time getting used to not having any time and not getting to see the kids but a couple of hours a day.  Besides that, I’m settling back in.  My house is a massive disorganized mess and it seems like I still have so much to unpack and get back in place.  We did make sure to get this box unpacked right away.

Moving Home

I’ve given up on ever having a clean house again but hopefully it will happen before they graduate from high school and I’m having open houses there.

Work is going great and I really don’t even feel like I ever left.  Some things I’m still out of the loop on but it’s coming back to me.  I absolutely love the people I work with and love my job so that is making this transaction a million times easier.  Soon I’ll feel caught up there and I’ll spend my lunch hours catching up with you all and not just catching up at work.

Since I last talked to you we’ve had a few more changes around my house.  I am a whole year older and that was something to celebrate (by going to a baby shower) and we are 2 pets less at my place (not something to celebrate).  We are 2 pets less because the dog bit Zach in the face.  Well, needless to say we can’t keep a pet in the house that puts 5 stitches in his face.  We were also having problems with the cat, Clifford, he was being mean to the kids so since we were having one put to sleep, we had them both.  That was not a happy day in our house.  We’re jus thankful that it wasn’t anyworse and the scars will fade.

The battery is about dead on my computer but I will leave  you with one last picture of my wonderful kids that people seem to think are twins anymore.  Give them a bowl of strawberries and they think they have a bowl of candy.

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Back To Life, Back To Reality

Well, everything is packed in the van and ready for us to make our move back home tomorrow.  It’s really weird to be going back but I’m sure it won’t be long and it will just feel like any other day again.  I was back for a couple of days last week just trying to get everything put away before I move the van load I’m taking back up with me up and have to put it all away.  It was strange being there.  Well, I’ve only spent one night since October in my own house!  It was like going into an abandoned house only everything in it was mine.  That’s the only way I can think of to describe it.  Everything was dusty, there were cobwebs, stuff was just laying around, it was weird.  It was also very weird to find an article of one of the kids’ clothes and it looked so little.  That’s where I “stopped” and this is where we are now.

It’s also going to be very strange to the kids.  To them , this is home, they don’t remember that house.  It might feel familiar to Zach but I really doubt if Sarah will remember it at all.  She was only 4 months old when I first diagnosed and she is now 13 months old.  The entire box of toys they have will feel like all new toys to them again!

I am going to try and “take advantage” of the move.  Since this will be a “new” place to them I’m going to try and put Zach in a “big boy bed” and not put up another crib.  I figure he’s going to have to adjust to a new room so we may as well put him in a new bed at the same time.  Sarah will start sleeping in Zach’s crib now, she was still in a bassinet when we moved out.  Also, I’ve been in the same room as them for months now, so now I’m going to be in my room and they will be in a room by themselves.  I really expect the first few nights to be tough but they should be over it by the time I go back to work and we have to start that whole process.

The next couple of weeks are going to be extremely tough but once we get back in the swing of things it should be alright.  Right?

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Where Have I Been?

That’s a very good question.  Quite honestly, I don’t know, but in a big way I feel like over the past few months that I quit living.  Don’t even start to think that I’ve been curled up on a couch feeling sorry for myself, quite opposite actually, I’ve been running my ass off.  However, every day it’s just just been the motions, survival, not living.  I think I realized it about a month ago when I went to order pictures from Snapfish.  They had a deal going where I could get 50 prints for a penny each and I hadn’t printed any pictures of the kids in forever.  So, I went to upload a bunch of pictures when I realized that I hadn’t really taken any pictures in the last few month and those I had taken were on a SD card somewhere that I could not find.  Five months, five months of the kids growing up that I had lost.  Then it really hit me, it was five months of my own life that I had lost.

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved every minute, well maybe not every minute, of getting to stay at home with the kids, but I think I was so numb from my diagnosis that everything else in my life stopped.  Oh, when I first realized that cancer was going to let me have this “vacation” I was looking up movie times and I was going to get all my computer stuff organized and my house was going to be perfect and think of all the reading I could do, oh, and knitting . . . not quite.  I took Zach to one “Monday Movies for Moms” and my mom and I were able to get away just once to see a movie together.  My computer stuff is in worse shape now than it was then.  I still haven’t finished even one book and I’m still knitting Sarah’s Christmas stocking that I started around Halloween.  As for my house, I’ve been there once since October, nothing has been done.

It’s time for me to start living again and starting getting on with my life.  Over the past several months something would happen and I’d think “oh, I should blog that” and it’s time for me to start doing that.  Don’t expect daily posts and there will be some major lulls like when I go back home and get it ready for us to move back in but as of now, I’m going to get this blog going again.  I can’t lose another 5 months of these kids’ lives.

To start off I have some very exciting news to announce!  Zach’s adoption is final.  It only took 1.5 years but Zach is officially ours, his name is changed and he is stuck with us, like it or not!

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