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Back At It

I’m back home, back to work and back to having no time!  I keep trying to get on here but when I finally get the kids down for the night I’m not far behind them.  Getting on at work has been a little bit harder since I went back right at one of our busiest times besides the fact that I have how many months worth of stuff to figure out again???  Anyway, I’m sitting here at the hospital for my every 3 week visit and wanted to catch up with you all.

Life is not bad.  I’m having a very hard time getting used to not having any time and not getting to see the kids but a couple of hours a day.  Besides that, I’m settling back in.  My house is a massive disorganized mess and it seems like I still have so much to unpack and get back in place.  We did make sure to get this box unpacked right away.

Moving Home

I’ve given up on ever having a clean house again but hopefully it will happen before they graduate from high school and I’m having open houses there.

Work is going great and I really don’t even feel like I ever left.  Some things I’m still out of the loop on but it’s coming back to me.  I absolutely love the people I work with and love my job so that is making this transaction a million times easier.  Soon I’ll feel caught up there and I’ll spend my lunch hours catching up with you all and not just catching up at work.

Since I last talked to you we’ve had a few more changes around my house.  I am a whole year older and that was something to celebrate (by going to a baby shower) and we are 2 pets less at my place (not something to celebrate).  We are 2 pets less because the dog bit Zach in the face.  Well, needless to say we can’t keep a pet in the house that puts 5 stitches in his face.  We were also having problems with the cat, Clifford, he was being mean to the kids so since we were having one put to sleep, we had them both.  That was not a happy day in our house.  We’re jus thankful that it wasn’t anyworse and the scars will fade.

The battery is about dead on my computer but I will leave  you with one last picture of my wonderful kids that people seem to think are twins anymore.  Give them a bowl of strawberries and they think they have a bowl of candy.

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Well, everything is packed in the van and ready for us to make our move back home tomorrow.  It’s really weird to be going back but I’m sure it won’t be long and it will just feel like any other day again.  I was back for a couple of days last week just trying to get everything put away before I move the van load I’m taking back up with me up and have to put it all away.  It was strange being there.  Well, I’ve only spent one night since October in my own house!  It was like going into an abandoned house only everything in it was mine.  That’s the only way I can think of to describe it.  Everything was dusty, there were cobwebs, stuff was just laying around, it was weird.  It was also very weird to find an article of one of the kids’ clothes and it looked so little.  That’s where I “stopped” and this is where we are now.

It’s also going to be very strange to the kids.  To them , this is home, they don’t remember that house.  It might feel familiar to Zach but I really doubt if Sarah will remember it at all.  She was only 4 months old when I first diagnosed and she is now 13 months old.  The entire box of toys they have will feel like all new toys to them again!

I am going to try and “take advantage” of the move.  Since this will be a “new” place to them I’m going to try and put Zach in a “big boy bed” and not put up another crib.  I figure he’s going to have to adjust to a new room so we may as well put him in a new bed at the same time.  Sarah will start sleeping in Zach’s crib now, she was still in a bassinet when we moved out.  Also, I’ve been in the same room as them for months now, so now I’m going to be in my room and they will be in a room by themselves.  I really expect the first few nights to be tough but they should be over it by the time I go back to work and we have to start that whole process.

The next couple of weeks are going to be extremely tough but once we get back in the swing of things it should be alright.  Right?

Florida!

For months I had a trip planned to join some of my very good friends in Jacksonville, FL and watch two of them run in the Breast Cancer Marathon.  Then, about 2 months ago my radiation oncologist told me not to plan it because of the timing and we didn’t know how I would feel at the end.  I took her advise and called everything off but my 3 friends were still going.  Well, a week ago I decided that I was feeling well enough and I was going.  Friday was my last radiation treatment then I hopped on a plane and landed in JAX around 2:30 that afternoon.

What an amazing weekend!  The entire weekend was centered around the marathon so we didn’t do anything huge like go to a show or a concert (although Jimmy Buffet was in town) or anything like that.  We were 4 friends that hadn’t seen each other in 8 years hanging out and supporting a wonderful cause.  It was exactly what I needed.

The weekend was entirely perfect.  There was so much positive energy that I can’t even describe it.  Well, I’ll tell you a brief story.  My friends that ran the marathon had these signs on their backs

We had to take a shuttle from the finish line to our hotel. As we were getting off the bus the passengers could read their backs and some one said “Is that Vicky Taylor With You?” Obviously, I’m still bald so I kind of stand out as a cancer patient. So they or I or someone said yes and the entire bus started applauding for me. Wow, I just teared up typing that.  That’s how the entire weekend was.  Simply amazing!

I can not thank my friends enough for . . . everything.  I also can’t thank my family enough for watching the kids so I could get away and soak up some Vitamin D.

Krista, Susan and Cindy :yourock:

Where Have I Been?

That’s a very good question.  Quite honestly, I don’t know, but in a big way I feel like over the past few months that I quit living.  Don’t even start to think that I’ve been curled up on a couch feeling sorry for myself, quite opposite actually, I’ve been running my ass off.  However, every day it’s just just been the motions, survival, not living.  I think I realized it about a month ago when I went to order pictures from Snapfish.  They had a deal going where I could get 50 prints for a penny each and I hadn’t printed any pictures of the kids in forever.  So, I went to upload a bunch of pictures when I realized that I hadn’t really taken any pictures in the last few month and those I had taken were on a SD card somewhere that I could not find.  Five months, five months of the kids growing up that I had lost.  Then it really hit me, it was five months of my own life that I had lost.

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved every minute, well maybe not every minute, of getting to stay at home with the kids, but I think I was so numb from my diagnosis that everything else in my life stopped.  Oh, when I first realized that cancer was going to let me have this “vacation” I was looking up movie times and I was going to get all my computer stuff organized and my house was going to be perfect and think of all the reading I could do, oh, and knitting . . . not quite.  I took Zach to one “Monday Movies for Moms” and my mom and I were able to get away just once to see a movie together.  My computer stuff is in worse shape now than it was then.  I still haven’t finished even one book and I’m still knitting Sarah’s Christmas stocking that I started around Halloween.  As for my house, I’ve been there once since October, nothing has been done.

It’s time for me to start living again and starting getting on with my life.  Over the past several months something would happen and I’d think “oh, I should blog that” and it’s time for me to start doing that.  Don’t expect daily posts and there will be some major lulls like when I go back home and get it ready for us to move back in but as of now, I’m going to get this blog going again.  I can’t lose another 5 months of these kids’ lives.

To start off I have some very exciting news to announce!  Zach’s adoption is final.  It only took 1.5 years but Zach is officially ours, his name is changed and he is stuck with us, like it or not!

Random Post

I just wanted to post a couple of pictures of, in my opinion, a couple of the cutest kids on the planet.

(that’s purple paint on  his neck)

We spent the weekend just hanging out around the house.  I did 8 loads of laundry but not much else got done.  I’ve decided that the reason my house is trashed is because I’m a good mom and choose to play with my babies and not do housework.  Maybe it’s an excuse but it’s the best I can come up with.  Like I have a tub of clothes that I’ve been trying for over 2 weeks to put away.  I think I mentioned it in my last post, anyway, it’s still not done.  All in good time, right? *sigh*

Zach had a blast playing outside this weekend.  He’s learned how to go down the slide with only a little bit of help getting the top.  He was so excited and we’d clap for him every time he did it.  So much fun.

Sarah just loved being outside.  Next year she’ll be ripping and tearing also and I’ll really be running to keep up with 2 of them.  That’s alright! I can always contain them in the stroller.

and since I posted of of Zach by himself, here’s Miss Sarah (check out her lashes!)

So, I know I’ve been completely slacking (that’s not new for me) but it just seems like since my news a couple of weeks ago that my head has been completely there.  My life has had to make a major turn and it’s been a little over-whelming.  The key word in that sentance is “life”, I still have one and I am still living it.  Right now chemo is every other week, soon it will be every week and I’ll have more bad days than good so for the next 2 months I better enjoy LIFE completely.  That sounded kinda downer and I don’t mean for it to.  I’m only going to feel bad for 3 months, and that’s such a minor piece of life especially when you look at the fact that I’m going to be on this Earth for 100 years!

Of course I’m enjoying every minute of my life with my kids right now.  They do nothing but make me smile.  I know that God gave them to me this past year to give me the biggest reason of all to fight what I’m fighting.  They are my joy!

My youngest joy turns 5 months old today!!

she is so close to rolling over!  That darn arm just stays in her way and it makes her sooooo mad.  I know it’s going to happen at any minute and I really hope it happens this weekend so our whole family can witness it.  She’s also starting to sleep all night!!!  Not all the time but most of the time.  It’s wonderful!  I honestly don’t feel like she’s “behind” anymore and has completely caught up from being 6 weeks premature.  She’s right where Zach was at this age (ok, Zach was 5 1/2 months old, close enough, right?)

Zach finally got tubes put in his ears yesterday.  Finally!!!  You don’t understand, we’ve been trying since February to make this happen.  This poor little guy has had this ear infection since Thanksgiving.  Yah.  Since Zach isn’t “mine” I couldn’t consent to him getting the surgery, I had to have a judge approve it and the approval had to happen within 30 days of surgery.  Really.  It took 4 tries to make this happen but it finally happened yesterday.  He was a trooper.  They said he would go home and sleep all day. Nope.  Not my Zach.  He napped an hour an was off and running the rest of the day.

On Sunday Steve bough Zach a Cozy Coupe for Father’s Day?  Zach was so excited that he couldn’t wait for Steve to assemble it for him.  Lesson to Steve, never try to assemble the toys in the living room while the child is awake!  Here’s Zach trying to help him and now I have to get pictures of him playing in it outside.

My living room is in complete disarray now.  I’m breaking out all of Sarah’s 3 – 6 month clothes and putting away all of her 0 – 3 month stuff.  I’m also trying to “permanently” pack for them.  For the kids my plan is to take a ton of clothes to our parents’ homes and leave them there, the clothes, not the kids.  I think it will make my life easier if I don’t have to pack for them, they have tons of clothes so taking 10 outfits each down there won’t be a big deal.  My only “hold-up” is that they will only ever wear the same 10 outfits and no one will see the variety of adorable clothes they have.  Stupid, I know.  Anyway, I’m trying to do this huge packing job so I don’t have to do it again for a long time.  Make sense?  I wish I had enough clothes to do that for myself.

Life is going on and it’s pretty close to normal.  We’re not letting this “thing” get in my way!