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Archive for June, 2007

Am I Wrong?

Today I have a doctor’s appointment to follow-up on what happened to me last week.  This was my suggestion, not the doctor’s.  Now I’m starting to feel stupid for suggesting this appointment because I feel like I’m going in there like I know more than they do because I research this on the internet.  I also know what experiences my sister’s have had and I know what they did to “fix” them.  How do I not go in there and say “this is what happened and this is what I think we need to do to fix it.”  I can’t do that, they are the professionals.  Are they going to look at me like I have a horn growing out of my head because I’m going in there after 1 known and another suspected miscarriage?  Am I being one of those paranoid people that’s over-thinking this?  It’s a known fact that 50% of fertilized eggs will not make it.  However, I’m 35, I need to figure out why my eggs aren’t making it because time is running out!

Anyway, I just need some assurance that I’m not being “one of those people”.  Thanks for listening to my babble.

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On The Mend

I guess that applies to both of us but it was meant for Steve.  Actually, he’s not using his crutches nearly enough, in my opinion.  It actually seems like he’s getting up and doing stuff more than he normally would.  Every few minutes he’s up getting a glass of pop or something.  He won’t let me do anything for him and I’m getting frustrated at him and he’s getting frustrated at me.  Yesterday he decided he could walk to the mailbox.  I don’t live in the ‘burbs and the mailbox is not a short walk.  It’s at least 200 feet from the door to our mailbox.  He promised me today that if he decides to get the mail he’ll use his crutches.  I understand that he wants to get out but that’s what the crutches are there for.  I just pray he’s not doing damage thinking that he’s Superman.  (of course I could see me doing the exact same things but that’s different.  I am woman, hear me roar).

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Well, I’m going to write on a subject that I promised myself that I would keep to a very minimal in my blog because I want my blog to be a “happy place” and this is why I have a TTC journal on another site.  Anyway . . .

Thursday I saw something that I’ve  been waiting almost 6 years to see, a + HPT.  It was faint but it was definately a +.  I knew I was pregnant by the way I felt besides the fact that I monitor my cycles like a Hawk and I knew that everything was “right”.  So, Thursday I got to enjoy the feeling of being pg, even called and scheduled my first doctor’s appointment for this coming Friday.

Friday I took my temp and had a major dive.  If you have ever had to chart to get pg, you know that a major dive is not a good sign.  I was still above the coverline but . . . when I took the HPT that morning I got a negative but I didn’t lose hope, maybe it was just a bad test.

Saturday the proof came that I was no longer pregnant.  Yes, I was pregnant for about 2 weeks, but I only had the joy of knowing it for one day.  Saturday was pretty rough on my both physically and mentally.  I know that I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t even get a latte that morning like I normally would, but something went wrong.  Steve was worried sick about me but I was alright, as alright as I could be.  The cramps made it the worst, why do you have to cramp so badly when you already feel so horrible mentally?   I had a busy day with a wedding so I was thankful to be distracted and couldn’t sit around a beat myself up (for know reason).  By the time I got home at 8:30 I was exhausted.

Sunday I was more exhausted than I was on Saturday but life goes on.  Steve had surgery today, I had to prepare the house for that.  I never broke down and cried until I called my mom and told her the “bummer news” as I called it.  She didn’t even know I had gotten pregnant, that news I wanted to deliver in person.  Well, being the awesome mom that she is, she knew the right thing to say, “Vic, my heart is breaking for you but this is good news, we now know that you can get pregnant.”  She’s right.  Now we know I can get pg, I know what we did this time, now the step is how to STAY that way.

Tomorrow when I call my OBGYN to tell them that I don’t need Friday’s appointment but I do want to come in and discuss what our options are now.  I’m quite sure I got pg after my first IUI but I never had any proof of it.  There is obviously something wrong with me that is hopefully easily corrected.

Right now I just have to look at this as a positive thing, we are making progress, and hopefully it will take less than 6 years to figure out how to keep me pg (if I ever manage to get pg again).

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Space Heater In Late June?

Please explain to me why this place has to run the AC so cold that I have to run my space heater in the summer.  I also wear at least 3/4 length sleeves for shirts to help stay warm, then when I leave for lunch (rarely) and leave at 5:00 I roast.  There really is no call for this.  To top it off, when they built this building 10 years ago they decided that none of the windows would open.  Right now I would open my window to warm it up in here but I can’t.  Someone decided that 60* outside would be the temp for the AC to kick on for us.   Days like today we wouldn’t need AC if we could just open our windows.  It’s just insane.

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Impending Surgery

Not mine!  Steve is going to have his right knee operated on Monday.  He has a torn meniscus.  He’s known for a long time that he needed this but has put it off.  He kept coming up with all these excuses:  I don’t want to do it in the Summer, I don’t want to miss ice skating, maybe it will cure itself.  Well, it’s at the point where he has to do it.  So, Monday I will be spending the day at the hospital but my day won’t be as rough as his.  Well, he’ll get happy juice and I’ll get hospital food, his day might be better than mine.

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Laid-Back Weekend

We had nothing planned for this weekend so we just did things around the house.  I think my flower beds are somewhat happy now.  I separated several things to make more room.  They also  got a good dose of Miracle Grow and bug killer.  Since it was well into the 80’s again yesterday I washed my car in the yard.  It was really a laid back weekend but that’s ok, we’re not going to have too many completely free weekends this summer.  Matter-of-fact, I have something planned for the next 4 weekends in a row.  For that reason I have taken the week off of July 4th.  When you only get 2 days a week to do everything and you suddenly don’t even have those 2 days I’m going to need that week just to do “stuff”.  (I honestly believe that I am the only human alive that takes vacation time to clean)  Besides, there are very few times around here that are good to take off and that just happens to be one of those weeks.

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That’s pretty much how I feel these days.  Why?  Well, since giving up cable we have 3 DVDs.  One being Drowing Mona which takes place in the 80’s, the others being two seasons of That ’70’s Show (I guess that’s a total of 9 DVDs since each season has 4 disks.  If you are keeping track, we have seasons 2 and 3).  Every night, if we’re not listening to Sirius radio we are watching several episodes of That ’70s Show.  When we are listening to Sirius radio, that has over 100 stations, we are listening to the 70’s.  When I have the remote I’ll mix it up but that is what Steve chooses to listen to.  I like the music, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like we’re getting into a 70’s rut here.  To top it off, I’m finding that I’m having my best luck selling 1970’s things on Ebay.   Oh geeze, I just looked down and realized I’m wearing a “retro” t-shirt that says “Brown Eyed Girl”.

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On another note, a while ago I was talking about getting my hair cut and I finally did a week ago.  Today I dyed it a shade called Goldie Locks.  It’s blonde.  Maybe I’ll take a self-portrait for you all to see.  Maybe not 🙂

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